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FW为什么我们的新年决心常常以失败告终?  

2011-01-19 23:05:00|  分类: 进化论Self Impro |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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为什么我们的新年决心常常以失败告终?那时,我以为人类是习惯的动物,要改变自己的习惯,没有铁的纪律,何其之难。今天读到一篇由Tony Schwartz写的文章,他指出, 95%的人类行为是受习惯支配,而只有5%的行为是有意识的自我选择。难怪,人要改变自己真的很难。

其实早在1911年,数学家艾尔弗雷德·怀特黑德就指出:“所有的书籍和大人物演说时反复对我们说--我们应该养成思考我们在做什么的习惯,这是一个大错特错的陈词滥调。事实恰恰相反,文明是通过增加那些我们不加考虑就能实施的行为的数目而进步的。”也就是说,在文明社会里,我们大多数日常生活里要做的事,都不需要深思熟虑就能完成。这么说,改变习惯并且做到持之以恒,光靠自律还不够,我们都过高的评价自律在改变习惯里起的作用。

Schwartz认为,我们的行为还常常受下意识的自我调节所干扰,因此,我们必须首先对习惯是如何在大脑形成有一个认识:如果行为越是成为日常惯例和仪式,就需要越少的的努力和能量去执行,这样,就会变成自发行为。

 

Schwartz认为以下六条建议可以帮助人们改变习惯,使新年决心能坚持下去,并获得成功:

1.制定新年决心必须高度地精确和具体(Precise and Specific),而不是空洞无物。

 

2.一次只给自己一个挑战(One challenge at a time.这样,年底才不会把自己淹没在失望当中)。

 

3.新年决心务必切实可行,不要手高眼低,也不要好高骛远(Not too much, not too little.)。

 

4.明白我们想要抵御的事(食)物每天都在诱惑我们(What we resist persists),做足心理准备


5.与惰性做长期“抗战”(Competing Commitments “not to change”)

 

6.要有信念(Keep the Faith)。

 

一般人需要六次的努力才能做出改变,用以上的方法,你也能做到改变自己!

 

以下是Tony Schwartz这六条建议的原文:1..Be Highly Precise and Specific. Imagine a typical New Year's resolution to "exercise regularly." It's a prescription for failure. You have a vastly higher chance for success if you decide in advance the days and times, and precisely what you're going to do on each of them.
Say instead that you commit to do a cardiovascular work out Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6 a.m., for 30 minutes. If something beyond your control forces you to miss one of those days, you automatically default to doing that workout instead on Saturday at 9 a.m.
Researchers call those "implementation intentions" and they dramatically increase your odds of success.
2. Take on one new challenge at a time. Over the years, I've established a broad range of routines and practices, ranging from ones for weight training and running, to doing the most important thing first every morning without interruption for 90 minutes and then taking a break to spending 90 minutes talking with my wife about the previous week on Saturday mornings.
In each case, I gave the new practice I was launching my sole focus. Even then, in some cases, it's taken several tries before I was able to stay at the behavior long enough for it to become essentially automatic.
Computers can run several programs simultaneously. Human beings operate best when we take on one thing at a time, sequentially.

3. Not too much, not too little. The most obvious mistake we make when we try to change something in our lives is that we bite off more than it turns out we can chew. Imagine that after doing no exercise at all for the past year, for example, you get inspired and launch a regimen of jogging for 30 minutes, five days a week. Chances are high that you'll find exercising that much so painful you'll quit after a few sessions.
It's also easy to go to the other extreme, and take on too little. So you launch a 10-minute walk at lunchtime three days a week and stay at it. The problem is that you don't feel any better for it after several weeks, and your motivation fades.
The only way to truly grow is to challenge your current comfort zone. The trick is finding a middle ground — pushing yourself hard enough that you get some real gain, but not too much that you find yourself unwilling to stay at it.
4. What we resist persists.
Think about sitting in front of a plate of fragrant chocolate chip cookies over an extended period of time. Diets fail the vast majority of time because they're typically built around regularly resisting food we enjoy eating. Eventually, we run up against our limited reservoir of self control.
The same is true of trying to ignore the Pavlovian ping of incoming emails while you're working on an important project that deserves your full attention.
The only reasonable answer is to avoid the temptation. With email, the more effective practice is turn it off entirely at designated times, and then answer it in chunks at others. For dieters, it's to keep food you don't want to eat out of sight, and focus your diet instead on what you are going to eat, at which times, and in what portion sizes. The less you have to think about what to do, the more successful you're likely to be.
5. Competing Commitments.
We all derive a sense of comfort and safety from doing what we've always done, even if it isn't ultimately serving us well. Researchers Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey call this "immunity to change." Even the most passionate commitment to change, they've shown, is invariably counterbalanced by an equally powerful but often unseen "competing" commitment not to change.
Here's a very simple way to surface your competing commitment. Think about a change you really want to make. Now ask yourself what you're currently doing or not doing to undermine that primary commitment. If you are trying to get more focused on important priorities, for example, your competing commitment might be the desire to be highly responsive and available to those emailing you.
For any change effort you launch, it's key to surface your competing commitment and then ask yourself "How can I design this practice so I get the desired benefits but also minimize the costs I fear it will prompt?"
6. Keep the faith.
Change is hard. It is painful. And you will experience failure at times. The average person launches a change effort six separate times before it finally takes. But follow the steps above, and I can tell you from my own experience and that of thousands of clients that you will succeed, and probably without multiple failures.

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